After the crossroads ...
I continue to be humbled when questioned why I haven't written in awhile. I began this blog
many moons ago out of exasperation and feelings of confusion,
frustration and often anger against the Orthodox Church ... however, looking back even to my earliest days as a child (and as the
title of this blog reflects) I never doubted that there was and always
will be only One Jesus Christ.
I just didn't know who He was, and everything that had been explained to me wasn't consistent with the Christ I had been reading about in the Gospels.
The past several years have been an incredible blessing, and the best way to describe the feeling was like I had been banging my head against a wall for so long, and then looked up and realized there was a door just slightly to my right. Long and memorable discussions with (now) Fr. Zachariah Diju Skariah years back before he entered Seminary accelerated a process of learning so much about early Christian teaching and the realization that our Indian Orthodox Church, as broken as it may appear on the outside, did uphold the fullness of the Faith.
Yet, my writings have gone down ... and when asked, I usually use a few of the excuses in my arsenal - 3 kids (the little one just about to enter her terrible twos), living in a 2-income house, busy work/life balance, an unexpected job hunt last year, more involvement with the Church, getting older, etc..
But, as I was looking back at the crazy stuff I wrote, and the 132 incomplete blog posts that I started writing and never completed ... I know deep down the main reason is best explained in one of my favorite books, 'The Orthodox Way
' -
The more I learned and became aware that there indeed was a Truth, and keep being amazed at the overwhelming evidence that our God is a God of Love and His Incarnation had nothing to do with a "pay-off", and that He indeed did not create a place called Hell but rather His love never forces anyone to love Him back the same way He does us ... everything changed. As the prophet Isaiah wrote, I became undone.
Ironically, I still am often left with the same emotions of confusion, frustration and anger, but in a different way as it's not about me, the individual, any longer. There's also the overwhelming realization and understanding that I continue to fail and be a sinner (Lord have mercy).
But, the strongest emotion that always prevails is one of hope in the future of the Indian Orthodox Church in America. Especially as a father of 3 beautiful children and a wife who has genuinely tried to learn alongside my ups and downs, this is so important that we keep moving forward and strive towards the vision that all Orthodox Churches are commanded to have - one of a mission-oriented, Christ-centered family that worships together.
The road ahead will no doubt continue to be a test of patience and I know that sadly it'll be more with my own generation than the leadership of this Church. But, perhaps writing again will spread the awareness ... an if nothing else, may help pass the time until we see a Mission Church in Chicago, which I'm convinced is not only necessary but critical to help us continue working on our Christ-like transformation (theosis).
There is a beauty in Christianity that surprisingly very few seem to know, and the potential of our Divine Liturgy (Holy Qurbana) in America to teach the beauty of the Christian faith will never cease to excite me.
I continue to ask questions, as I continue to love God with all my heart, soul and mind. But my questions are no longer grounded in doubt and anger, but rather awe, love and humility (James 1:2-8). I beg forgiveness if my future writings offend anyone, as that is not my intent ... at the end, there is a beautiful simplicity in Christ as He is taught through the ancient teachings and hope that as I share more of what I learn and the mistakes I make, it'll be learning points for others to get to the realization a lot faster in life than I did.
In Christ,
I just didn't know who He was, and everything that had been explained to me wasn't consistent with the Christ I had been reading about in the Gospels.
The past several years have been an incredible blessing, and the best way to describe the feeling was like I had been banging my head against a wall for so long, and then looked up and realized there was a door just slightly to my right. Long and memorable discussions with (now) Fr. Zachariah Diju Skariah years back before he entered Seminary accelerated a process of learning so much about early Christian teaching and the realization that our Indian Orthodox Church, as broken as it may appear on the outside, did uphold the fullness of the Faith.
Yet, my writings have gone down ... and when asked, I usually use a few of the excuses in my arsenal - 3 kids (the little one just about to enter her terrible twos), living in a 2-income house, busy work/life balance, an unexpected job hunt last year, more involvement with the Church, getting older, etc..
But, as I was looking back at the crazy stuff I wrote, and the 132 incomplete blog posts that I started writing and never completed ... I know deep down the main reason is best explained in one of my favorite books, 'The Orthodox Way
' -'The traveler on the Spiritual Way, the further he advances, becomes increasingly conscience of two contrasting facts - of the otherness and yet the nearness of the Eternal. In the first place, he realizes more and more that God is mystery. ... Yet, in the second place, this God of mystery is at the same time uniquely close to us, filling all things, present everywhere and within us.
The more I learned and became aware that there indeed was a Truth, and keep being amazed at the overwhelming evidence that our God is a God of Love and His Incarnation had nothing to do with a "pay-off", and that He indeed did not create a place called Hell but rather His love never forces anyone to love Him back the same way He does us ... everything changed. As the prophet Isaiah wrote, I became undone.
Ironically, I still am often left with the same emotions of confusion, frustration and anger, but in a different way as it's not about me, the individual, any longer. There's also the overwhelming realization and understanding that I continue to fail and be a sinner (Lord have mercy).
But, the strongest emotion that always prevails is one of hope in the future of the Indian Orthodox Church in America. Especially as a father of 3 beautiful children and a wife who has genuinely tried to learn alongside my ups and downs, this is so important that we keep moving forward and strive towards the vision that all Orthodox Churches are commanded to have - one of a mission-oriented, Christ-centered family that worships together.
The road ahead will no doubt continue to be a test of patience and I know that sadly it'll be more with my own generation than the leadership of this Church. But, perhaps writing again will spread the awareness ... an if nothing else, may help pass the time until we see a Mission Church in Chicago, which I'm convinced is not only necessary but critical to help us continue working on our Christ-like transformation (theosis).
There is a beauty in Christianity that surprisingly very few seem to know, and the potential of our Divine Liturgy (Holy Qurbana) in America to teach the beauty of the Christian faith will never cease to excite me.
I continue to ask questions, as I continue to love God with all my heart, soul and mind. But my questions are no longer grounded in doubt and anger, but rather awe, love and humility (James 1:2-8). I beg forgiveness if my future writings offend anyone, as that is not my intent ... at the end, there is a beautiful simplicity in Christ as He is taught through the ancient teachings and hope that as I share more of what I learn and the mistakes I make, it'll be learning points for others to get to the realization a lot faster in life than I did.
In Christ,
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